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2009 August | The Sports Report Girl

Though Everything’s Bigger in Texas…

August 28, 2009 by SRG  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

…that doesn’t necessarily make it better.

As I’m sure you know, Jerry Jones has built a new palace for his Dallas Cowboys. From all accounts, the new digs are gorgeous, with nearly every amenity on hand that one could imagine. For $1.2 billion, it should have everything, right?

Well, not unlike the Steinbrenners, who unveiled their new stadium last April, the venue in Dallas has a few design flaws. Okay, well just one that I can think of… but boy is it a doosey.

Jones, who wasn’t going to settle for anything less then the biggest and the best of everything, installed a High Definition video board so big it actually rivals his over sized ego.

Can you tune this thing to the T.O. Sow?

Can you tune this thing to the T.O. Sow?

The four sided score board (which hangs over the playing surface like the alien space ship in District 9) is 160 feet wide by 72 feet high… and best of all, only 90 feet off the ground. That’s a full five feet over what the NFL rule book states. But the thing is, last week the Titans punter routinely nailed the video board during pre-game warm-ups, and tagged it once during the game. The result of that play was a Do Over.

If you’re thinking the idea of a do over just doesn’t sound right in the NFL, then you’re thinking exactly what I’m thinking. But after the competition committee took up the matter this week, they issued their ruling this morning. And what did they decide? They decided do overs were the way to go. Not only would they replay the down, but the game clock would be reset… as if nothing had ever happened.

The committee surely came to this conclusion after some heavy lobbying by Jerry to keep the $40 million screens right where they are. With the season starting in just a couple weeks, he claims there isn’t enough time to raise the monitors without a major engineering overhaul. Thankfully, the ruling is just for this season. The matter will be taken up again in the off season when there’s plenty of time to get it right.

Until then, we’ll track of the number of balls that hit the monitors during the regular season. I’m putting the over under at 12. Care to offer your opinion on the matter? Leave your predictions as a comment below.

Tim Donaghy Back in Pokie

August 25, 2009 by SRG  
Filed under Basketball, NBA Basketball, SRG's Blog

Disgraced former NBA referee Tim Donaghy made headlines again Tuesday when it was reported that US Marshals arrested him at his Florida home… or rather the halfway house he was assigned to. You see, Old Tim was released from prison back in June and was living at the halfway house as part of his parole. Another part of his parole stated that his whereabouts be known at all times to his case worker. When he wasn’t at work, like he was supposed to be, his parole officer reported him and federal authorities picked him up at the halfway house.

The sad part of this story is two fold… First, he was scheduled to be completely done in October, but now is being held without bond and who knows how long he may spend back behind bars. And the other is where he worked. Reports stated that he was working in sales for a Sarasota, FL. Beverage company by the name of Shotpak.

On the staff...

On the staff...

Upon further investigation (that being a Google search for the company name), I found out that Shotpak is a company that sells premixed cocktails in plastic pouch-like containers. In other words, they sell spiked Capri Sun!

Capri Sun, adult style!

Capri Sun, adult style!

And though it is terribly sad that Donaghy has fallen so far, I do love knowing that at my next party I’m going to offer an array of ShotPak beverages. Can’t wait to puncture that pouch of Sex on the Beach and suck it down! Yeah, let’s party!

Billy Wagner Allows Trade

August 25, 2009 by SRG  
Filed under Baseball, MLB, SRG's Blog

So if you turned on the World Wide Leader or your local sports radio station at any point today, then you most likely heard the news about the Mets agreeing to trade Pitcher Billy Wagner to the Red Sox for a couple of players to be determined later. Apparently the deal got done because Wagner waived his no-trade clause after the Red Sox agreed not to exercise the $8 million dollar club option next year (he really wants to be a closer again, not a set-up guy). They do, however, reserve the right to offer arbitration, which Wagner certainly won’t accept.

So the Sox get a proven left arm for the stretch run this season, and when Wagner signs elsewhere as a free agent during the winter, they’ll get draft picks as compensation. Sounds like a win for everyone, right?

Well this is where I’d normally say something smarmy, like “Wrong, the verdict is still out! No one knows how effective Wagner is going to be! He could re-injure his arm! One solid inning last week shouldn’t spur this kind of deal! Etc., etc., etc.” I would say some or all of those things, but I just can’t get past how much Wagner resembles Simon Pegg. It’s uncanny, and frankly, quite distracting for me.

Seperated at Birth???

Seperated at Birth???

I can see it now… Francona approaches the mound and asks for the ball.
Wagner, in a thick Scottish accent, tells his skipper “I’m giving you all I got Captain!”
See what I mean? How am I supposed to tell whether it’s a good deal or not with those thoughts running around in my head!

On Deck; ep. 11

August 21, 2009 by SRG  
Filed under Baseball, MLB, SRG's Blog

So this health care reform debate is really getting out of hand when it creeps into the world of our beloved baseball. That said, Smoltz is now a Cardinal, Strasburg is officially a National, and several players are seeing stars.

The Next Top Selling Jersey in the NFL!

August 14, 2009 by SRG  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

I think I’m still a bit shell shocked to hear the news that Michael Vick ended up in Philly. The Eagles were never one of the teams pundits like Jay Glazer and Chris Mortensen talked about as being realistic possibilities. After all, Donovan was finally a happy camper, so why do anything now to disrupt that harmony with the season looming just a few weeks away?

Well, as it turns out, Donovan himself was lobbying behind the scenes for the organization to sign Vick all along. And when you think about it, it makes quiet a bit of sense. Donovan has wanted the Eagles to step up and bring in some serious weapons for him to work with. Well, Vick may not have been the receiver he was hoping for, but a weapon he is none the less.
Most impressive of all was Andy Reid. It was only 2 days ago that he was sitting on that ESPN tour bus, playing possum with Chris Mortensen, saying Vick deserved a second chance while acting like he really wanted nothing to do with him at all. Thankfully, Reid is skilled in the art of bluffing.

Ahhhh…. I can see it now, both McNabb and Vick in the same back field, at the same time… and both are standing in the shotgun! As a defense, what are you supposed to do? Oh, my chops are starting to get wet just thinking about my keeper league team where I have Donovan as my starting QB.

Bronson Arroyo… Kid in a Candy Store!

August 13, 2009 by SRG  
Filed under Baseball, MLB, SRG's Blog

Kid in a Candy Store

Kid in a Candy Store

Bronson Arroyo is either one of the bravest or craziest men in baseball. To be honest, I haven’t really decided yet which way I lean.

For starters, I love his devil may care attitude. He’s going to do what he wants to do, and to hell with those who disagree with him. He has a battery of pills and supplements he takes every day, many or which can not be found on the approved list of supplements endorsed by Major League Baseball. But he doesn’t care because he’s never failed a drug test, so he figures it must be alright.

That being said, there is a fine line between being your own man, and just being indignant. As such, I hate the fact that, at his disposal, is an approved list of supplements and drugs which he could take without any repercussions, now or in the future. But he refuses to play along. Thus, if the day ever comes where he does fail a test, he’ll have no one to blame but himself.

The other thing I like about him, though, is how candid he is about the 2003 anonymous drug tests. With David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez both having their names leaked, Arroyo openly admits that his name is likely on the same list. And that is something I applaud. I wish more players would come out and say the same.

But really, who out there is that brave… or crazy?

Rick Pitino, Hypocrite!

August 12, 2009 by SRG  
Filed under Basketball, College Basketball, SRG's Blog

Rick Pitinos Righteous Path

Rick Pitino's Righteous Path

There are many things that bug me about this story… obviously the biggest being Pitino’s lying and cheating ways. But what I find insulting is the notion that the famed coach is truly sorry. Please! Per everyone who gets caught, he’s only sorry BECAUSE he got caught.

Does anyone really thin this was an isolated incident? Late night, woman comes onto him, one thing leads to another and before you know it, the two are banging over a cocktail table in the restaurant’s lounge. I can see it happening… I can see it happening hundreds of times over the years.

I mean he’s Rick Pitino! He’s good looking, successful and rich. There are tons of women that would throw themselves at him, and I bet that’s happened countless times with no consequences. For crying out loud, the owner of the restaurant gave him the keys to the place to lock up… wink, wink, nudge, nudge. I guarantee it was not the first time that ever happened!

And this from a man who has been outspoken about his religious beliefs! Last time I looked, adultery and (alleged) abortions don’t exactly mesh with the Roman Catholic brand of Christianity!

But the thing I can’t wait to hear more about is Tim Sypher, the guy that married Pitino’s sloppy seconds. Because when this all went down six years ago, Karen Cunigan Sypher was simply Karen Cunigan. She apparently met her soon to be ex-husband (that’s right, the two have filed for divorce) in Tim Sypher’s condo… From what I hear, that was the chosen location for the two to discuss the abortion. Sypher, who worked for Pitino when he was with the Celtics, followed the coach to Louisville.

Good Lord, this all sounds like the Young and the Restless, right?

Can’t wait to hear all the juicy details!

On Deck: ep. 10

August 11, 2009 by SRG  
Filed under Baseball, MLB, SRG's Blog

Okay, so I’m a little rusty after being out of the country, but I’m finally home and happy to be back at it. In this edition of On Deck, I give you my take on the David Ortiz/Manny Ramirez steroid allegations as well as Josh Hamilton’s lingering hangover, plus two former greats get released the same day!

The King Speaks

August 8, 2009 by SRG  
Filed under Basketball, NBA Basketball, SRG's Blog



Remember a few years ago, when Dennis Green held his now infamous press conference? You remember, don’t you? The Cardinals lost to the Bears in a truly rediculous fashion… one in which they lead for almost the entire game before folding in the last minutes like a house of cards (pun intended) .

The great thing about that game wasn’t even the game itself, but rather “the post game.” That’s when Denny was asked a seemingly innocent question about his team’s performance. It came on slowly at first, but rapidly gathered speed. Before we knew what hit us, Green was screaming that the Bears were who they thought they were, how they let ‘em off the hook, and, if we wanted to crown them, then we could go right ahead and crown their asses! With that, he smashed the podium, glared at the press for a moment, then stormed off to join Jim Mora, Mike Gundy and Terrell Owens in the Pantheon of Greatest Press Conference Melt Downs EVER!

That slow build is happening all over again. Only this time it isn’t Dennis Green that’s ready to explode, but instead the overall public perception of Lebron James. It was only a couple months ago that everyone loved Lebron… his muppet commercials were constantly on TV, he and his teammates were posing for imaginary cameras, the Olympic Gold Medal, sick highlights every night… the list goes on.

But it was a red flag when he failed to shake hands and face the media after getting bounced by Orlando. Then came the way he handled Tape-Gate. Now, nearly a month later, he finally speaks out… when it’s time to go on a press tour to promote his new shoe. Lebron claims he never told the Nike execs to confiscate the tapes, that he feels bad about blowing off the media (but still wouldn’t shake hands after losing), and best of all, announces there is really no way in hell he’s gonna sign the contract extension recently offered to him by the Cavs.

Now I understand the business side of things… why sign an extension before seeing what else is out there? That makes sense, right? Thing is, Cleveland can offer him more money then anyone else. Since that’s the case, and he knows it, his unwillingness to sign simply means he’s buying time before moving on to greener pastures.

To me, Lebron is coming more into focus with every move he makes. He’s no longer the lovable and affable guy we had hoped, but the calculating and ego driven maniac we had feared. In a spin on Coach Green’s theme, he is who we didn’t want to think he was. Which is fine.

I just hope we don’t let him off the hook!

Locked Down and Loaded!

August 3, 2009 by SRG  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

Locked Down and Loaded

Let's get this party started!

No surprise here… disgraced star receiver Plaxico Burress was indicted Monday afternoon! The New York Grand Jury, which heard testimony in the case last week, handed down three indictments in all… 2 for illegal weapons possession and one for reckless endangerment.

In a bold move, Burress himself testified before the Grand Jury, offering an apology he hoped would compel members of the jury to go easy on him. But with both the Lead Prosecutor and Mayor calling for blood in the media, there was little else they could do but throw the book at him.

Plax’s situation is now much more dire. After refusing to accept a plea deal that called for at least two years of jail time (and likely would have been shortened to a matter of months), Burress will go to trial with a mandatory three and half year sentence staring him in the face… a likely scenario considering Dummy shot himself in the leg with his own gun!

Even if he were to beat the system, his football career is probably over. No team has shown an interest in signing him, primarily due to the fact NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has yet to determine what, if any, punishment he will receive from the League. And since Goodell has proven himself to be the League’s version of Judge Dread, you know there will be a price to pay. My guess is a minimum of 8 games, possibly even an entire year. When you add that to the fact Burress is turning 32 on the 12th of August, you can see why the odds aren’t in his favor of getting back to the grid iron anytime ever.

That of course is the best case scenario, one in which he beats the charges and avoids prison all together. In the worst case, Burress will likely spend a portion of his life behind bars, all for accidentally shooting himself. Burress endangered everyone in that club, but ultimately, he only hurt himself. It’s not that I condone what Plax did, not by a long shot (pun intended), but I also don’t think the guy should be incarcerated longer then both Leonard Little and Donte Stallworth put together. After all, it’s not like he killed anyone… other then his career!

Plaxs would be gun permit

Plax's "would be" gun permit

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