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2009 December | The Sports Report Girl

Around The Association 12-18-09

December 18, 2009 by Gabe Zaldivar  
Filed under Basketball, NBA Basketball, SRG's Blog

Kobe is playing with stomach aches and broken fingers. Referees are missing blatant calls and calling ones that don’t exist. It must be another week in the NBA.

Kobe had 42 points against the Bulls Tuesday night – not very impressive for a man with his skill set. What is astonishing is that he did it with a fractured finger on his shooting hand. What is even more remarkable is that he was having er, um, digestive problems all day. I remember I ate a bad calzone once. I immediately lost five pounds, shook uncontrollably, and slept for a week. Kobe Bryant decided to drop 40 points on the Bulls while his stomach had the taco gurgles. Oh the next day he hit the game winner against the Bucks. I am definitely underachieving in life.

Hall-of-Fame Jerry Colangelo, Naismith’s newly elected chairman of the board is toying with the notion of allowing the fans and media to have a say in who makes it into the Basketball Hall-of-Fame. He said the fans would be “involved,” which many are hoping means the results would be made public much like the NBA and MLB do. What makes me cringe is having the fans actually have even a modicum of say in who makes it into the Hall. These are the people that are voting Tracy McGrady into 2nd place in All-Star voting this year. This just in, T-Mac has not played at all this season.

Kevin Durant unveiled his new line of Basketball shoes in a game against Dallas Wednesday night. They look as if Nike went to Nerf and said gives us the first thing that comes to mind. I tried to watch the game but between Durant bricking shots and the whole team wearing these atrocities my eyes stopped working for two hours. I didn’t go blind necessarily. My eyes just refused to capture the images on the screen. It was actually the only pleasant part of the game.

College Football Coaching News

December 16, 2009 by SRG  
Filed under College Football, Football, SRG's Blog

The Sports Report Girl takes a look at some recent coaching hires from the world of college football.
Brian Kelley and Turner Gill have new jobs, and Jim Harbaugh gets a contract extension, and likely a raise, from Stanford.

Is Tiger Too Tainted Even For Nike?

December 14, 2009 by SRG  
Filed under Other Sports, SRG's Blog

First Tiger Woods decided he would take an indefinate leave from the PGA Tour…
The next day, Gillette put his ad campaign on hold…
And the day after that, Accenture dropped him all together.
Is the sky falling for Tiger Woods?
Can Nike really stand by his side as he sticks his head in the sand?

Don’t Mess with God’s Holy Saints

December 11, 2009 by Jenna Q.  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

I personally think the Saints are blessed by whatever Supreme Being is out there. Or, Sean Payton and Drew Brees made some sort of innocuous deal with the devil. Either way, it seems the New Orleans Saints are destined to be Super Bowl Champions. It couldn’t be any more evident than what was showcased this weekend in their game versus Washington.

You remember that movie Angels in the Outfield? Well, that’s exactly what the game resembled. It was as if angels were literally guiding the ball from Drew Brees’ hand into Marques Colston’s outstretched arms. Once the Redskins’ defense back intercepted the pass, you could almost see another angel knocking him down allowing Robert Meachem to strip the ball and run in for a TD. And the especially naughty angel intentionally pushed Suisham’s field goal attempt away from the goal post with the utmost ease.

Or you can look at it from the complete opposite perspective, which is, that the Washington Redskins are just destined for ultimate suckage. It doesn’t help that they have the Al Davis of the east coast, Dan Snyder, unintentionally destroying the once proud franchise.

Poor Jim Zorn looks lost on the sidelines. I actually feel somewhat bad every time the camera pans over him. I mean, since he was relieved from his play calling duties, what exactly does this guy do now? He could probably take a nap on the bench if he really wanted to. I’m surprised he hasn’t, at the very least, pondered it considering Washington’s snooze-fest of an offense. And please don’t give me some PC bull saying, “He’s still the head coach. He’s there to inspire and motivate.” Uh…yeah…ok, the Washington Redskins are an “inspired” football team because of Head Coach Jim Zorn. You’ll have a harder time convincing me of that than Tiger does of convincing his wife that he loves her, and he’s not a “lion cheetah” (ZING! Too soon???).

For what it’s worth, much credit goes to the Redskins for giving the Saints their most competitive game yet, next to Miami. But, as noted, when you have the blessed Saints versus your hellacious franchise, you’re almost guaranteed God will get his way. He always does.

The Ochocinco Show

December 10, 2009 by Jenna Q.  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

Chad Ochocinco needs his own television show, but not just a television show that documents his life, which I’m sure is hilarious. He needs a cheesy, cheap, trashy VH1 show (only it won’t be cheesy, cheap, and trashy). At the very least, he deserves a documentary film chronicling his thought process when it comes to planning a touchdown celebration.

Love him or hate him, Ochocinco has gone far beyond the typical end zone dance and has rather opted for interesting, innovative, and original celebrations that not only land on SportsCenter highlights, but also land him in deep you-know-what with the league. His latest stunt involved putting on a sombrero and a creepy, strange, albeit quite practical snuggie on the sidelines, which cost him a mind-blowing $20,000 from the commish. But knowing Chad’s previous history, you know damn well he was completely aware he was going to receive the fine. In fact, in a tweet to ESPN’s Adam Schefter, Ochocinco even said “what I’ve planned for today will get me fined when I score but it’s so worth it.” I mean, seriously, $30,000 ain’t no pocket change, but he’s so intent on entertaining the crowd, he’s willing to shell it out.

Now think about it, how intriguing would it be to see how this guy plans out these celebrations? Does he have a checklist? Is there a closet full of props that he chooses from? Is there a manual on “How to Create the Most Ridiculous Touchdown Celebrations?” Who, in their right mind, would ever think “So today, I’m going to whip out a sombrero and a snuggie after I score”? Apparently, Ochocinco does. This is the same guy who did the Riverdance, gave CPR to the football, and did the Lambeau Leap (at Lambeau Field) into a sea of Bengals fans, who he bought the tickets for. The show would be pure entertainment at it’s finest, because that’s what Ocho is — pure entertainment.

Of course, to keep the element of surprise in tact, the series will have to be shown after the season (or after each week). However, just being able to see how his mind works and what’s he’s thinking before each week would be comedy. I’m sure Commissioner Goddell wouldn’t be tuning in every week, but even he would find the comedic nature of it.

However, I’m sure if you asked Ochocinco’s what he’d think of his show, he’d brazenly say, “CHILD PLEASE!!! I AM COMEDY!”

This Just In… Freddy Roach Whines Like A Little Bitch!

December 10, 2009 by SRG  
Filed under Boxing/MMA, SRG's Blog

The date is set for the latest “Fight of the Century!” Mayweather / Pacquiao is coming to a pay-per-view screen near you… I just hope Freddy Roach can shut up and stop complaining like a little girl between now and fight time.
But I guess that’s probably wishfull thinking!

Hot Stove League Updates 12-10-09

December 10, 2009 by Gabe Zaldivar  
Filed under Baseball, MLB, SRG's Blog

Roy Halladay
Winter meetings continue with absolutely no information as to where and to whom Doc Halladay will go. He is like that really hot girl that everyone wants to take to prom. But she is waiting to see what car the boys are driving before she chooses a date.

The Yankees take a step closer to repeating. Some are saying that it’s a bad trade with Granderson’s plummeting OPS. My take is he is as good as or better than Johnny Damon. The Yankees will be fine. Also, if he doesn’t work out, they will just buy someone who will.

Angeles Lose
Success for Mike Scioscia’s Angels has always been predicated on their ability to get on base and steal. Chone Figgins was the catalyst to that. Anyone they can muster to take his place will be a significant downgrade.

Wolf Pack
Randy Wolf will move once again from the friendly confines of Dodger stadium. The Brewers get a quality starter that will eat innings. Watching Dodger games all year I am particularly aware of what Wolf brings to the table. Brewer fans will enjoy two to three runs being given up in the first three innings. This will be followed by lights out artistry that will have you questions who the guy pitching the first three innings was.

Rangers Deal
The Texas Rangers have just made one of the smarter moves this off-season. By saving money on a trade of Kevin Millwood, they were able to sign under-achieving Rich Harden to a one year deal. Harden has tremendous upside when healthy. He probably could have squeezed a three year deal from somewhere. But unless your name is Hank Blalock, no one wants to be a Ranger for more than a season.

Atkins Diet
It seems the Colorado Rockies are having a wee bit of difficulty trading their very expensive 3rd baseman. It seems there is no market for Garrett Atkins, a power hitting 3rd baseman that has trouble um, hitting.

Tennessee Hostess Cupcakes!

December 9, 2009 by SRG  
Filed under College Football, Football, SRG's Blog

Betcha Urban Meyer is smiling right about now.

Well, actually, it probably happened sometime earlier today while preparing for his upcoming Sugar Bowl match up against Brian Kelly and the Cincinnati Bearcats… assuming Brian Kelly is still coaching the Bearcats in early January. But I digress…

You see, Urban Meyer is still probably licking his wounds from the beat down Nick Saban and the Crimson Tide put on his Gators last weekend. It was such a bad beat down that Tim Tebow… A.K.A. Super Man… was last seen openly weeping on the sidelines following the game.

But at some point earlier today, while Meyer was probably watching game film or something of that nature, one of his assistants had to run into his office and shout, “The NCAA is crawling up Kiffin’s ass again.”

If you hadn’t heard, the NCAA is indeed crawling up Lane Kiffin’s ass again. Multiple allegations of recruiting violations by the University of Tennessee have surfaced… most notable amongst the allegations is the use of co-eds to lure top recruits into committing to Tennessee.

Big deal, right? Don’t all big schools do the same thing? Probably… these are 17 and 18 year old boys we’re talking about, and what better way to snatch their attention then by dangling pretty girls in front of them. But the kicker is that these hostesses, members of the Orange Pride’s Student Ambassador Program, went off campus to do the dangling. In some instances they went as far as 200 miles off campus, to high school football games in South Carolina!

The University will likely say these Volunteers were taking the initiative and acting on their own. But let’s be serious… there’s no way female college students are going to drive 200 miles to lure recruits to Tennessee without explicit instructions from someone within the University itself.

So, as you can see, when Urban Meyer was told exactly what was going on, he must have had a nice little chuckle.

And after that, he probably made a phone call to reel in the co-eds from the University of Florida’s Gator Getters from doing the same thing.

Toby Gerhart’s New Nickname!

December 8, 2009 by Dion Rabouin  
Filed under College Football, Football, SRG's Blog

With the Heisman trophy candidates announced this week, there is no doubt in my mind who this year’s winner should be and his name is Toby “White Power” Gerhart. I’ve taken the liberty of giving him the nickname “White Power” for a couple of reasons.

First, no player in the country ran harder or with more power than Gerhart. In his two prime time appearances this season, against USC and Notre Dame, he ran over, into and through defenders to the tune of 178 and 205 yards respectively. Even in a losing effort against arch rival California, Gerhart put up 136 yards and averaged 6.8 yards a carry.

The second reason I call him White Power is that no one in college football is whiter than Toby Gerhart. From not being able to wear a suit with any style – just look at the man’s roster picture – to having a haircut that couldn’t have possibly cost more than $8, he personified whiteness in every way. Not to mention he goes to Stanford and his name is Toby, the whitest name on the planet. The name Toby is so white that if my mother had named me Toby I would tell people to call me Kunta.

Gerhart combined his whiteness and his power to create an awe-inspiring running style that no defense he faced all year was able to stop. In the game against Notre Dame, he must have broken something like 1,000 tackles and gotten half the Fighting Irish defense laughed at during film study the next day. Against USC, he hit Taylor Mays so hard that his girlfriend died.

But Gerhart didn’t just play well in primetime, he was amazing every single week. He leads all of the FBS in rushing, with 1,736 yards, and touchdowns, with 26. He’s run for more than 100 yards in every game except for two and he averaged 4.8 yards a carry in both. He’s averaging 5.6 yards per carry for the season, which is amazing considering he’s only had a run of more than 30 yards in a game four times this season and has thrice not had a single run of more than 16 yards.

There’s no question he’s put up big stats, but the most important thing Gerhart has done this year is be dependable. He took a Stanford team that went 5-7 just a year ago and made them into a Pac-10 contender. He was hands-down the most exciting player in the country to watch this year. Anyone who reads my articles regularly – I’m talking to you, mom – knows that I’m a Tim Tebow guy. But this year, the man that deserves the trophy and the man who has earned it is Toby “White Power” Gerhart.

BCS Meltdown Narrowly Averted… Unfortunately!

December 8, 2009 by SRG  
Filed under College Football, Football, SRG's Blog

Despite the fact TCU and Boise State made it to the Fiesta Bowl, the BCS still needs to be done away with and replaced by a true playoff!
That said, the Fiesta and Sugar Bowls should be two amazing games!

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