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Jenna Q. | The Sports Report Girl


January 15, 2010 by Jenna Q.  
Filed under Random Thoughts, SRG's Blog

I live in earthquake country, but fortunately, I am blessed to be in a place that has the infrastructure in place to avoid such a catastrophe. While we would definitely suffer some severe damage, it would be no where near the wreckage caused in Haiti, a third world country where their buildings and roadways are below earthquake standards.

The devastation caused by the earthquake is massive, and it’s now time for the global community to provide relief in any way possible. That means YOU can help contribute, too. Here are some extremely easy and fast ways to help, and I mean, SUPER FAST AND EASY.

Text “HAITI” to 90999 to donate $10 via the American Red Cross.

Text “YELE” to 501501 to donate $5 toward earthquake relief. Yele is Wyclef Jean’s grassroots campaign, who is a Haitian native.

Please be careful when figuring out who you’re donating to. Unfortunately, there are some scumbags out there who try to capitalize on this tragedy by scamming people out of their money. (The “flying free doctors and nurses to Haiti” is FALSE. Please PASS ON!) Fox News has listed LEGIT organizations on their website. You can visit that here.

I understand it’s tough times economically, and you may not feel like $5 or $10 is going to do anything. But think about it this way, a majority of the country lives on less than $1 a day, and while your money may not be able to rebuild a house or pay for hospital visits, that $5 dollars you donate may allow a lost son or daughter to call their family back home. Your $10 dollars may help pay for a hungry family to eat for the day. And if just one person’s life is affected by your generous donation, then you have made a difference. So please, I encourage everyone to help in anyway possible.

Tony Romo: Cowboy Casanova or Candy-Coated Misery?

January 15, 2010 by Jenna Q.  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

*Just in case you were wondering, this title is from Carrie Underwood’s song, which is speculated to be in reference to her former fling.

Eons ago, I wrote a piece for this site ranking the top 10 worst teams in the league. While a majority of them I still stand by, it pains me to say that one of those teams needs to be removed from that list – the Dallas Cowboys. Every other team still belongs (Yes, even the Chargers. I refuse to jump on the Norv/Rivers bandwagon. I don’t care what anyone says… Charger fans are setting themselves up for another colossal letdown).

Back to the case-in-point, the Cowboys are the hottest team in the league right now, and they are the most dangerous team in the playoffs. I’m not a huge Tony Romo fan, but I am anxiously waiting to see him commit another epic fail. I still get the giggles every time I remember his 2006 playoff performance – seriously, that moment is hilarious.

Mind you, I hate the Cowboys, so anytime Romo does something stupid, I think it’s the funniest thing ever, maybe even funnier than Jay Leno. Wait, almost everything is funnier than Leno. TEAM CONAN! I digress…

You can see it in his eyes. It’s as if he’s waiting for the perfect moment to just completely screw the team. He’s carefully crafting in his head the ideal situation, and what exactly he will do to contribute to his “what the hell were you thinking?” list. That perfect moment has yet to come, though. Soon. Very soon.

In the meantime, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say the ‘boys upset the Vikings this weekend. But Brett Favre and Vikes fans, if you want to give yourself an advantage, give Jess Simpson a call. I don’t think she’s doing anything right now.

Don’t Mess with God’s Holy Saints

December 11, 2009 by Jenna Q.  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

I personally think the Saints are blessed by whatever Supreme Being is out there. Or, Sean Payton and Drew Brees made some sort of innocuous deal with the devil. Either way, it seems the New Orleans Saints are destined to be Super Bowl Champions. It couldn’t be any more evident than what was showcased this weekend in their game versus Washington.

You remember that movie Angels in the Outfield? Well, that’s exactly what the game resembled. It was as if angels were literally guiding the ball from Drew Brees’ hand into Marques Colston’s outstretched arms. Once the Redskins’ defense back intercepted the pass, you could almost see another angel knocking him down allowing Robert Meachem to strip the ball and run in for a TD. And the especially naughty angel intentionally pushed Suisham’s field goal attempt away from the goal post with the utmost ease.

Or you can look at it from the complete opposite perspective, which is, that the Washington Redskins are just destined for ultimate suckage. It doesn’t help that they have the Al Davis of the east coast, Dan Snyder, unintentionally destroying the once proud franchise.

Poor Jim Zorn looks lost on the sidelines. I actually feel somewhat bad every time the camera pans over him. I mean, since he was relieved from his play calling duties, what exactly does this guy do now? He could probably take a nap on the bench if he really wanted to. I’m surprised he hasn’t, at the very least, pondered it considering Washington’s snooze-fest of an offense. And please don’t give me some PC bull saying, “He’s still the head coach. He’s there to inspire and motivate.” Uh…yeah…ok, the Washington Redskins are an “inspired” football team because of Head Coach Jim Zorn. You’ll have a harder time convincing me of that than Tiger does of convincing his wife that he loves her, and he’s not a “lion cheetah” (ZING! Too soon???).

For what it’s worth, much credit goes to the Redskins for giving the Saints their most competitive game yet, next to Miami. But, as noted, when you have the blessed Saints versus your hellacious franchise, you’re almost guaranteed God will get his way. He always does.

The Ochocinco Show

December 10, 2009 by Jenna Q.  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

Chad Ochocinco needs his own television show, but not just a television show that documents his life, which I’m sure is hilarious. He needs a cheesy, cheap, trashy VH1 show (only it won’t be cheesy, cheap, and trashy). At the very least, he deserves a documentary film chronicling his thought process when it comes to planning a touchdown celebration.

Love him or hate him, Ochocinco has gone far beyond the typical end zone dance and has rather opted for interesting, innovative, and original celebrations that not only land on SportsCenter highlights, but also land him in deep you-know-what with the league. His latest stunt involved putting on a sombrero and a creepy, strange, albeit quite practical snuggie on the sidelines, which cost him a mind-blowing $20,000 from the commish. But knowing Chad’s previous history, you know damn well he was completely aware he was going to receive the fine. In fact, in a tweet to ESPN’s Adam Schefter, Ochocinco even said “what I’ve planned for today will get me fined when I score but it’s so worth it.” I mean, seriously, $30,000 ain’t no pocket change, but he’s so intent on entertaining the crowd, he’s willing to shell it out.

Now think about it, how intriguing would it be to see how this guy plans out these celebrations? Does he have a checklist? Is there a closet full of props that he chooses from? Is there a manual on “How to Create the Most Ridiculous Touchdown Celebrations?” Who, in their right mind, would ever think “So today, I’m going to whip out a sombrero and a snuggie after I score”? Apparently, Ochocinco does. This is the same guy who did the Riverdance, gave CPR to the football, and did the Lambeau Leap (at Lambeau Field) into a sea of Bengals fans, who he bought the tickets for. The show would be pure entertainment at it’s finest, because that’s what Ocho is — pure entertainment.

Of course, to keep the element of surprise in tact, the series will have to be shown after the season (or after each week). However, just being able to see how his mind works and what’s he’s thinking before each week would be comedy. I’m sure Commissioner Goddell wouldn’t be tuning in every week, but even he would find the comedic nature of it.

However, I’m sure if you asked Ochocinco’s what he’d think of his show, he’d brazenly say, “CHILD PLEASE!!! I AM COMEDY!”

The NFL… More Shocking Than Adam Lambert!

November 25, 2009 by Jenna Q.  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

Granted, there’s no simulated oral sex or guy-on-guy kissing (not to my knowledge, at least), but ahhhh… this was the week I was waiting for – a week full of “how the hells” and WTFs. While the Saints and Colts are continuing their epic domination in their respective conferences, other teams this weekend decided to surprise the hell out of us… err, I mean, me. Because, you know, I’m hardly ever surprised anymore considering I expect the Raiders to lose, which they do.

But wait – this weekend, they didn’t lose. Not only did they not lose, but they didn’t lose to a pretty decent team in the Bengals. And whoa! Still not used to saying “decent” and “Bengals” in the same sentence (notice how I refrain from saying the Raiders “won” because they didn’t really “win.” The Bengals basically handed the game to them with that fumble). Another statement I never thought I’d utter is “Cleveland and Detroit” in a 38-37 “shootout.” Yeah, what universe are we in again?

Join me as I recount this crazy NFL weekend. I will try to avoid using any more “air quotes” as they annoy myself as much as they do you.

Kansas City upset Pittsburgh. What’s the common thread here? KC loses big mouth Larry Johnson and wins. Cincy gains Larry Johnson and loses. Dumping LJ was the smartest thing KC’s done all year. KC and “smart?” Yeah, there’s another completely foreign statement to me (Ok, no more air quotes… I promise).

Denver loses… again. Eons ago, after Josh McDaniels and co. rattled off their 6th straight win over San Diego, I was ready to proclaim the young prodigy Coach of the Year… less than halfway through the season, no less. But I quickly deleted that article, because… well, I totally knew they’d drop 4 straight. I mean, any idiot could have seen that coming. SO OBVIOUS!

On the flip side of the Broncos’ monster collapse are the Tennessee Titans, who have registered a mind-blowing 4 straight wins after losing their first 6. I mentioned a couple of weeks back that having Kerry Collins as your quarterback means you’re doomed to fail. I guess Jeff Fisher reads my posts here at TheSportsReportGirl.com. Vince Young is looking pretty good – and stable.

Devin Hester moons us. So, you tell me, what was more hilarious – Hester’s inadvertent butt shot, or J-Lo’s accidental butt fall?

Needless to say, I thoroughly enjoyed the NFL this week, and for once, didn’t need to take any antidepressants. As far as I’m concerned, Thanksgiving fell on Sunday this year.

For that, I’m very thankful.

Midseason Trade Evaluations

November 7, 2009 by Jenna Q.  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

It’s midseason, and as always, it’s time for some legit evaluations. In this NFL off season, there was some big movement, and if I so had the opportunity/guts to talk to these players, this is what I would say to (some of) them.

Jay Cutler (DEN to CHI) – “You did your darndest to create the 1st big soap opera of the off season. Your coach left, and because the new cat in town wanted to replace you for leading that epic meltdown last season, you decided to whine about it. Well, crybabies tend to get their way just to shut them up, and thus you got traded to the Bears. While your current team will fail to make the playoffs, the team you bitched about is on their way to a division crown. Bet you wish you shut your mouth now, huh?”

Albert Haynesworth (TEN to WAS) – “I gotta give you credit, big fella’. You left a really crappy team, for a less crappy team. However, your game play has failed to follow suit. It’s unfair for me to judge you, though, because you’ve been injured. Fine, I’ll get off your back. Let me just say your QB is pretty horrible and your coaching staff is almost as dysfunctional as the Raiders…almost.”

Tony Gonzales (KC to ATL) – “Congratulations for leaving that ticking time bomb in Kansas City while you had the chance. I actually believe your role has increased with Matty Ice throwing you bombs. However, your window of opportunity is closing. Age is not on your side, and it doesn’t help that your division rival are the Saints, who are on cruise control right now.”

Michael Vick (ATL to PHI) Note: I was tempted to write “JAIL to PHI”, but even I think that’s in bad taste. “Do you even remember what a touchdown is? I mean, it’s been how many years since you’ve been out of football? 14? Oh, only 3 years? I don’t even remember you playing. What are you? A RB? A WR? I sure don’t remember you throwing the ball that much. If you played some minutes, you might jog my memory. Too bad you’re stuck on the bench. Since you have so much free time, please, stay away from dogs.”

Terrell Owens (DAL to BUF) – “So…how’s that VH1 show comin’ along?”

Brett Favre (NYJ to MIN) – “How much did it sting to hear boos in Lambeau? In my eyes, you’re still a traitor. Here’s to you getting to the Super Bowl and losing to the Colts, and then retiring again, only to un-retire and play for the Lions. You’re such a drama queen. Aaron Rodgers for President!”

Consider me one of those loudmouth sports fans with more bark than bite, but then again, being a 5’5, petite girl, I highly doubt I’d have the courage to say any of this to 6’5, 270+ lbs men. First I’d need a drink or two…or three.

The Best Game Ever!

October 29, 2009 by Jenna Q.  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

Be ready for it – the NFL hype machine is back again. This Sunday, Nov. 1st, Brett Favre and the Vikes make the long awaited trip to Lambeau Field. The game in Minnesota was hyped and covered so much I wanted to break my new flat screen television. But then I learned there is such thing as an OFF button on the remote…oh and that there is also this place that people with real lives frequent from time-to-time – it’s called “the outdoors.”

But this next game at Lambeau? In Green Bay? Are you kidding me!? I’m JUICED for it. This match, not the previous one, is the game that everyone should have been marking on their calendars. It’s now my time to contribute to the hype: THIS IS THE GAME OF THE CENTURY!

You have, arguably, the greatest quarterback of all time stepping back onto the legendary field where he made miracles happen and brought joy to the tiny (by NFL standards) town of Green Bay, Wisconsin. But the greatest quarterback of all time is no longer the leader of the pack; he’s now the new leader of the Packers’ decades long division rival, the rejuvenated Minnesota Vikings. CAN YOU SAY DRAMA!?

How are the ever-so-classy Green Bay fans going to react when their one-time hero, the one guy they embraced for 16 long years, is on the field playing for the opposing team? Will they boo him? Or will they cheer for him? THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!

Then, you have Favre’s talented one-time understudy, Aaron Rodgers, now leading the green and gold into the game with a 4-2 record. He lost on his first try against his godly, predecessor…how will he fair on his home turf? Will he emerge victorious or will the great one, once again, prove that he still owns Lambeau? SUNDAY CAN’T COME SOON ENOUGH!

You’d think this kind of storyline can only be found in a Hollywood movie, but here we have a real-life soap opera! This ain’t no balloon-boy hoax, folks…this is the real deal! The most exciting thing to ever happen in our lifetime! You don’t want to miss the big showdown between the most amazing football player ever and his former team – for the second time! Brett Favre at Lambeau is this season’s Superbowl! Forget Superbowl…this is the ULTIMATE BOWL! THIS IS THE BEST GAME EVER!

Why I Hate My Favorite Team

October 27, 2009 by Jenna Q.  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

I’ve tried my absolute hardest to refrain from making the Raiders the center of my weekly posts, figuring I’ll be able to maintain my journalistic integrity by not showing any kind of favoritism or bias. But this week, I say screw it… it’s time for some blatant bashing!

So if you’ll allow me, I’d like to recite a story about two teams I know very well…

Let me take you back to April 2009, the NFL draft. Stafford had already been signed to the lowly Lions, and WR studs Michael Crabtree and Jeremy Maclin were highly sought after. The Raiders were coming off yet another abysmal season, and I was sitting there patiently waiting to hear the commish announce our new star WR, Michael Crabtree. Since both he and Maclin were still on the board, it was a no-brainer that one of those talents would be wearing the Silver and Black and bring us back to the Super Bowl baby!

And to no one’s surprise (especially not mine) Al Davis and his dunce cap wearing team of execs selected a kid named Darrius Heyward-Bey. He can’t catch the ball worth a damn, but boy, he sure is fast! Then, in the lowest point of my sports-addicted’ life, 3 spots down, Crabtree was selected by one of the Raider’s cross-bay nemeses, the San Francisco 49ers.

Fast-forward to this Sunday. Crabtree, after a 3 month long holdout, finally made his debut as a Niner against the Texans. He finished with 5 catches for 56 yards. Chris Mortensen on Twitter made sure to emphasize how Crabs had already caught up with, and surpassed, DHB in total catches for the season. Once again, I was not surprised.

What did surprise me, though, was the Niners’ decision to play 2005’s #1 overall draft pick Alex Smith, thinking he could provide an offensive spark of some kind. Smith has been all sorts of terrible in his NFL career, but his stat line on Sunday was a far cry from the days when fans were pleading for no-name Shaun Hill to start in his place. Smith ended 15 for 22 with 206 total yards and three TDs.

On the other side of the Bay, my glorious excuse for a team has their very own #1 overall pick playing at a superb level… a superbly awful level, that is. With three turnovers in the first quarter and no signs of life in the second half, Jamarcus Russell was benched for journeyman Bruce Gradkowski. Suffice it to say, the substitution didn’t work — the Raiders were shutout.

I’m not saying that Crabtree is going to be a star, nor am I saying that Smith is not a bust (in my book, he still is). What I am saying is I’d rather have Crabtree over DHB and… uh… the quarterback of my high school football team over Jamarcus.

I am also merely mapping out the evidence for the police when they find out a hit has been placed on Al Davis’ head – yet again.

Patriots Show Their True Colors

October 21, 2009 by Jenna Q.  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

After the Patriots’ embarrassing 59-0 rout of the depressing, downtrodden Tennessee Titans this weekend, the question that has repeatedly entered the public consciousness has been: is there such a thing as running up the score in professional sports? My answer: No.

Except when it’s the Patriots, so in this particular situation… Yes.

Let me explain…

This isn’t Pop Warner, there’s no such thing as a mercy rule. You’re getting paid millions and millions of dollars, so it’s up to you, as a player, whether you want to do your job and stop the other team from scoring (in turn, offensive players should be able to put some points on the board, as well). Seattle’s destruction of Jacksonville in week 5 (41-0) and the Giant’s domination over the Raiders (44-7) was merely one team performing ten times better than the other, without any ill intentions. The losing team just didn’t have enough juice to keep up.

In the case of the Pats-Titans game, while yes, one team performed far superior to the other, the second part of the equation is not true. In the Giants-Raiders game, Eli came out by halftime and a lot of the starters sat out the second half. Even though Seattle had a relatively healthy Hasselbeck, they gave backup Seneca Wallace some playing time. New England, however, played Brady, Moss, Welker and co. through the third quarter, even with a 45-0 lead. Lame.

The Patriots had every intention of running up the score, and I don’t believe this just because I will forever despise the Patriots and their BFF, Walt Coleman (remember the “tuck rule?”). I actually think there are legitimate reasons for their actions, like…

1. The Patriots aren’t the undefeated, untouchable team they once were. They wanted to show once and for all that they are still the supreme elite talent of the league (kind of like how a bully compensates for his lack of confidence by picking on the skinny, nerdy kid who picks his nose).

2. Labeled the “Cheatriots” from the “Spygate” incident a couple years back, Belichick is out for blood. He doesn’t care if he runs up the score because the NFL and all the other teams tarnished his reputation as a “great coach,” especially during their most recent Super Bowl year (like Barry Bond’s HR record, I will always grin a little inside when I see that asterisks next to their name).

3. And this, I believe, is the reason above all others… Belichick and his cronies were picked on as little kids and decided to turn the tables.

So, once again, athletes shouldn’t complain about running up the score. They’re professionals and should be able play like ones, especially when money is fattening their wallets. But again, the Patriots should know there is such a thing as class. I wonder where theirs went (assuming they once had it).

Top 10 Worst NFL Teams of the 2009 Season

October 13, 2009 by Jenna Q.  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

This particular list isn’t going to base rankings solely on record. It’s also going to take into account pre-season expectations versus season results. Naturally, this list would be titled “The Most Underachieving Teams in the NFL”; however, some teams with low expectations will be mentioned, as well, thus, disqualifying them as underachieving.

There’s my preface, and don’t be disappointed or appalled when you see some surprise mentions (or non-mentions. As such, the Lions and Chiefs aren’t on this list.)

10. San Diego Chargers (2-2)
Every year the Chargers are expected to win the Superbowl, and every year they disappoint. This year is no different. The surprising Broncos are atop the AFC West, and Tomlinson is not getting any younger. I place all blame solely on Norv. I can’t believe he’s not gone yet. Charger fans have put way too much faith in a guy that’s proven nothing.

9. Buffalo Bills (1-4)
Marshawn Lynch’s injury definitely hindered this team at the start of the season, but Fred Jackson proved to be a viable backup. With the acquisition of T.O., their air attack should have been top-notch. Instead, they’re dead-in-the-water, last in the AFC East. Oh, I forgot — you need a QB, too.

8. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-3)
It should usually count for something when you boast one of the top running backs in the league in Maurice Jones-Drew, but with David Garrard’s incompetence and a sparsely talented defense, losing 44-0 isn’t that far-fetched.

7. Carolina Panthers (1-3)
The Panthers still possess heaps of talent in Steve Smith, DeAngelo Williams, and Julius Peppers, but as with the Jaguars, when your QB is epically horrendous, as is Delhomme, it’s a little difficult to eek out wins, especially in a division with the Saints and the Falcons.

6. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-5)
So, let’s compare this team to last season: lost their HC (Gruden), starting QB (Jeff Garcia), and defensive coordinator (Monte Kiffin). Even the holy Patriots would fail to register a win if Belichick and Brady said sayonara.

5. Cleveland Browns (1-4)
I remember feeling really bad for Brady Quinn when he dropped to #22 in the 2007 draft. Now, I know why he fell so far.

4. Tennessee Titans (0-5) / Washington Redskins (2-3)
Okay, so there are actually 11 teams on my list… the Titans and Redskins tied for fourth worst as both had high expectations before the season began. For Tennessee, all we need to say are two words: Kerry Collins. And I’ll give you two more: Albert Haynesworth… as in the loss of Albert Haynesworth. As for the Redskins, they got Albert Haynesworth as a free agent, but the defense isn’t the problem in Washington, it’s the lack of offensive firepower. Jim Zorn will get fired in the bye week if they lose their next two games to Kansas City and Philly.

3. St. Louis Rams (0-5)
How far the mighty have fallen… It was just a few years ago the Rams were considered “The Greatest Show on Turf.” Today they are quite the opposite. However, there are worse teams…

2. Dallas Cowboys (3-2)
Quite possibly the most surprising team on this list, and they’re not on here because of record, which is respectable. But why do I get the feeling when I watch the Cowboys that, if given the chance, one of Romo’s own teammates would punch him? It seems like the chemistry is off, way off. Even if the Cowboys do make the playoffs, prepare yourself for a colossal meltdown ala last season. Blame Jessica Simpson, as everyone else has.

1. Oakland Raiders (1-4)
You know you’re a bad team when you can’t tell if the head coach getting arrested is actually a good thing or a bad thing. What we do know is Jamarcus Russell is a complete disaster as an NFL quarter back. Until the plug gets pulled on him, and Al Davis takes up Crypt Keeping on a full time basis, the Silver and Black will remain the worst team in the NFL.

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