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NFL Football | The Sports Report Girl - Part 4

Brett Favre Has To Come Back

January 28, 2010 by SRG  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

After another interception prevents Brett Favre’s return to the Super Bowl, talk has (of course) turned to the inevitable… Will he or won’t he retire? And at this point, after what we’ve seen from him the past couple years, the safe money should be on him returning for one last shot.

But something has me wondering this time if he isn’t ready to say goodbye for the last time. Even without a trip to the Super Bowl, he couldn’t ask for a better season than the one he had, and the odds of him repeating that are pretty slim. So maybe he should go out this way.

Then again, I’m sure all those fantasy owners of Sidney Rice, Bernard Berrian and Percy Harvin wouldn’t agree!

The 2010 NFL Playoffs Suck!

January 20, 2010 by SRG  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

This time of year is usually a second Christmas for me. But this year the Wild Card Round blew (except for one game) as did the Divisional round. So what gives? Why the sucky playoffs this year?

Whatever the reason, I’m not feeling too good about our prospects for an exciting Super Bowl.

Mark McGwire, Pete Carroll & Lane Kiffin Walk Into A Bar…

In the last seven days we have seen some of the craziest sports stories of the new year… from Mark McGuire finally admitting to his use of steroids during his chase of the homerun record in ’98, to the coaching carousel in Seattle, Southern California and Knoxville.

Tony Romo: Cowboy Casanova or Candy-Coated Misery?

January 15, 2010 by Jenna Q.  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

*Just in case you were wondering, this title is from Carrie Underwood’s song, which is speculated to be in reference to her former fling.

Eons ago, I wrote a piece for this site ranking the top 10 worst teams in the league. While a majority of them I still stand by, it pains me to say that one of those teams needs to be removed from that list – the Dallas Cowboys. Every other team still belongs (Yes, even the Chargers. I refuse to jump on the Norv/Rivers bandwagon. I don’t care what anyone says… Charger fans are setting themselves up for another colossal letdown).

Back to the case-in-point, the Cowboys are the hottest team in the league right now, and they are the most dangerous team in the playoffs. I’m not a huge Tony Romo fan, but I am anxiously waiting to see him commit another epic fail. I still get the giggles every time I remember his 2006 playoff performance – seriously, that moment is hilarious.

Mind you, I hate the Cowboys, so anytime Romo does something stupid, I think it’s the funniest thing ever, maybe even funnier than Jay Leno. Wait, almost everything is funnier than Leno. TEAM CONAN! I digress…

You can see it in his eyes. It’s as if he’s waiting for the perfect moment to just completely screw the team. He’s carefully crafting in his head the ideal situation, and what exactly he will do to contribute to his “what the hell were you thinking?” list. That perfect moment has yet to come, though. Soon. Very soon.

In the meantime, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say the ‘boys upset the Vikings this weekend. But Brett Favre and Vikes fans, if you want to give yourself an advantage, give Jess Simpson a call. I don’t think she’s doing anything right now.

Redskins Fire Jim Zorn, Return His Balls

January 5, 2010 by SRG  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

Months after suffering a public emasculation, Jim Zorn was fired on what is commonly known around the NFL as Black Monday. And through no one would have blamed him if her weren’t, Zorn remained a good soldier to the very end.
Poor guy…

Don’t Mess with God’s Holy Saints

December 11, 2009 by Jenna Q.  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

I personally think the Saints are blessed by whatever Supreme Being is out there. Or, Sean Payton and Drew Brees made some sort of innocuous deal with the devil. Either way, it seems the New Orleans Saints are destined to be Super Bowl Champions. It couldn’t be any more evident than what was showcased this weekend in their game versus Washington.

You remember that movie Angels in the Outfield? Well, that’s exactly what the game resembled. It was as if angels were literally guiding the ball from Drew Brees’ hand into Marques Colston’s outstretched arms. Once the Redskins’ defense back intercepted the pass, you could almost see another angel knocking him down allowing Robert Meachem to strip the ball and run in for a TD. And the especially naughty angel intentionally pushed Suisham’s field goal attempt away from the goal post with the utmost ease.

Or you can look at it from the complete opposite perspective, which is, that the Washington Redskins are just destined for ultimate suckage. It doesn’t help that they have the Al Davis of the east coast, Dan Snyder, unintentionally destroying the once proud franchise.

Poor Jim Zorn looks lost on the sidelines. I actually feel somewhat bad every time the camera pans over him. I mean, since he was relieved from his play calling duties, what exactly does this guy do now? He could probably take a nap on the bench if he really wanted to. I’m surprised he hasn’t, at the very least, pondered it considering Washington’s snooze-fest of an offense. And please don’t give me some PC bull saying, “He’s still the head coach. He’s there to inspire and motivate.” Uh…yeah…ok, the Washington Redskins are an “inspired” football team because of Head Coach Jim Zorn. You’ll have a harder time convincing me of that than Tiger does of convincing his wife that he loves her, and he’s not a “lion cheetah” (ZING! Too soon???).

For what it’s worth, much credit goes to the Redskins for giving the Saints their most competitive game yet, next to Miami. But, as noted, when you have the blessed Saints versus your hellacious franchise, you’re almost guaranteed God will get his way. He always does.

The Ochocinco Show

December 10, 2009 by Jenna Q.  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

Chad Ochocinco needs his own television show, but not just a television show that documents his life, which I’m sure is hilarious. He needs a cheesy, cheap, trashy VH1 show (only it won’t be cheesy, cheap, and trashy). At the very least, he deserves a documentary film chronicling his thought process when it comes to planning a touchdown celebration.

Love him or hate him, Ochocinco has gone far beyond the typical end zone dance and has rather opted for interesting, innovative, and original celebrations that not only land on SportsCenter highlights, but also land him in deep you-know-what with the league. His latest stunt involved putting on a sombrero and a creepy, strange, albeit quite practical snuggie on the sidelines, which cost him a mind-blowing $20,000 from the commish. But knowing Chad’s previous history, you know damn well he was completely aware he was going to receive the fine. In fact, in a tweet to ESPN’s Adam Schefter, Ochocinco even said “what I’ve planned for today will get me fined when I score but it’s so worth it.” I mean, seriously, $30,000 ain’t no pocket change, but he’s so intent on entertaining the crowd, he’s willing to shell it out.

Now think about it, how intriguing would it be to see how this guy plans out these celebrations? Does he have a checklist? Is there a closet full of props that he chooses from? Is there a manual on “How to Create the Most Ridiculous Touchdown Celebrations?” Who, in their right mind, would ever think “So today, I’m going to whip out a sombrero and a snuggie after I score”? Apparently, Ochocinco does. This is the same guy who did the Riverdance, gave CPR to the football, and did the Lambeau Leap (at Lambeau Field) into a sea of Bengals fans, who he bought the tickets for. The show would be pure entertainment at it’s finest, because that’s what Ocho is — pure entertainment.

Of course, to keep the element of surprise in tact, the series will have to be shown after the season (or after each week). However, just being able to see how his mind works and what’s he’s thinking before each week would be comedy. I’m sure Commissioner Goddell wouldn’t be tuning in every week, but even he would find the comedic nature of it.

However, I’m sure if you asked Ochocinco’s what he’d think of his show, he’d brazenly say, “CHILD PLEASE!!! I AM COMEDY!”

The NFL… More Shocking Than Adam Lambert!

November 25, 2009 by Jenna Q.  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog


Granted, there’s no simulated oral sex or guy-on-guy kissing (not to my knowledge, at least), but ahhhh… this was the week I was waiting for – a week full of “how the hells” and WTFs. While the Saints and Colts are continuing their epic domination in their respective conferences, other teams this weekend decided to surprise the hell out of us… err, I mean, me. Because, you know, I’m hardly ever surprised anymore considering I expect the Raiders to lose, which they do.

But wait – this weekend, they didn’t lose. Not only did they not lose, but they didn’t lose to a pretty decent team in the Bengals. And whoa! Still not used to saying “decent” and “Bengals” in the same sentence (notice how I refrain from saying the Raiders “won” because they didn’t really “win.” The Bengals basically handed the game to them with that fumble). Another statement I never thought I’d utter is “Cleveland and Detroit” in a 38-37 “shootout.” Yeah, what universe are we in again?

Join me as I recount this crazy NFL weekend. I will try to avoid using any more “air quotes” as they annoy myself as much as they do you.

Kansas City upset Pittsburgh. What’s the common thread here? KC loses big mouth Larry Johnson and wins. Cincy gains Larry Johnson and loses. Dumping LJ was the smartest thing KC’s done all year. KC and “smart?” Yeah, there’s another completely foreign statement to me (Ok, no more air quotes… I promise).

Denver loses… again. Eons ago, after Josh McDaniels and co. rattled off their 6th straight win over San Diego, I was ready to proclaim the young prodigy Coach of the Year… less than halfway through the season, no less. But I quickly deleted that article, because… well, I totally knew they’d drop 4 straight. I mean, any idiot could have seen that coming. SO OBVIOUS!

On the flip side of the Broncos’ monster collapse are the Tennessee Titans, who have registered a mind-blowing 4 straight wins after losing their first 6. I mentioned a couple of weeks back that having Kerry Collins as your quarterback means you’re doomed to fail. I guess Jeff Fisher reads my posts here at TheSportsReportGirl.com. Vince Young is looking pretty good – and stable.

Devin Hester moons us. So, you tell me, what was more hilarious – Hester’s inadvertent butt shot, or J-Lo’s accidental butt fall?

Needless to say, I thoroughly enjoyed the NFL this week, and for once, didn’t need to take any antidepressants. As far as I’m concerned, Thanksgiving fell on Sunday this year.

For that, I’m very thankful.

For Philly Fans, It’s That Time Of Year Again!

November 21, 2009 by SRG  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

It’s that time of year, the midle of the NFL season, when Philadelphia Eagles fans turn their “brotherly love” on Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb.

It happens every year… but no one is talking about it yet becaue of Belichick’s Blunder on 4th and 2.

All that should change, though, if the Eagles lose to the Bears this weekend.

On Campus: week 11 & 12

November 18, 2009 by SRG  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

This week the Sports Report Girl examines Lane Kiffin’s decision to kick Nu’keese Richardson and Mike Edwards off the Tennessee football team.

Also, the pressure on Rich Rodriquez and Charlie Weis intensifies, plus a look at the upcoming big games… like Michigan and Ohio State!

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