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Washington Redskins | The Sports Report Girl

What Went Wrong? NFL Edition

November 3, 2010 by Mike Cervantes  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

A lot is going wrong in the NFL his year. Depending on what team you root for it’s either a blessing, same old or “we’ll get ‘em next year.” For these teams, there’s something wrong. Yet some of them still have playoff shots at the halfway point of the season.

Dallas Cowboys (1-6)
The pressure started on these guys when Cowboys Stadium was selected to host Super Bowl XLV. Coach Wade Phillips doesn’t have the leadership to mold this team, Tony Romo no longer dates Jessica Simpson (and he got hurt) while receiver Miles Austin no longer dates Kim Kardashian. I’d feel like losing too if I no longer dated those girls.

Washington Redskins (4-4)
New coach Mike Shanahan bullied lineman Albert Haynesworth during training camp, forcing the bruising defender to try to pass a conditioning test (which the massive Haynesworth failed repeatedly) before getting on the field. Haynesworth is an All-Pro player. Why would you do this? The team itself has been mediocre, but the most questionable move came this week when starting quarterback Donovan McNabb was benched for lack of conditioning and his inability to master the two-minute offense.

Guess who worked out for the Redskins this week? Jamarcus Russell, the former Raiders oaf, arguably one of the laziest players to ever put on an NFL uniform. This tub of lard is going to help? The Raiders have average quarterbacks now and technically, they’re in playoff contention.

Arizona Cardinals (3-4)
My friends always give me grief for saying quarterback Matt Leinart could have led this team. Well, he was never given a full season’s chance, outplaying Derek Anderson for the starting job and still getting released. Coach Ken Whisenhunt had his mind made up long before the preseason finished and now he has been rewarded with a season of mediocrity. Anderson, who has been OK his entire career and undrafted rookie Max Hall from BYU lead this team. The Cardinals still have a chance since they play in the awful NFC West, perhaps the worst division in the history of the NFL.

San Francisco 49ers (2-6)
I don’t know how to explain this one. The way the Niners have played the past couple of years this was a gimme. In a division with lowly Seattle, Arizona minus Kurt Warner and Anquan Boldin and the always pathetic St. Louis Rams, San Francisco should win this division by default. Yet the team started 0-5. The 49ers can still win the division since the Seahawks are 4-3 and coach Pete Carroll had more talent at USC than Seattle.

Minnesota Vikings (2-5)
Brett Favre came back after holding the team, football fans and ESPN hostage. But receiver Sidney Rice got hurt early on, the Vikings got behind early and then superstar and super diva Randy Moss was brought in. Moss didn’t pan out as he was released this week. He had a bad attitude (what a surprise) and he might be an impact player for another team assuming he doesn’t wear out his welcome after a month. Minnesota’s defense is still good and running back Adrian Peterson is a stud, but losing close games has put the team in a hole. It doesn’t look good the rest of the way. To make the playoffs, the Vikings would have to finish 8-1 or 7-2 and that’s extremely unlikely.

Carolina Panthers (1-6)
Carolina still has a team? Who plays for them? Seriously, I can’t name any impact players for this team. I know they drafted Jimmy Clausen of Notre Dame. That’s about it though. When you don’t have any players that the casual fan is aware of, you know the team is in bad shape.

Buffalo Bills (0-7)
The Bills’ major problem is that Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas and Bruce Smith don’t play for them anymore. The current Bills stink. Like the Panthers, they have no impact players. Nobody has a fantasy team loaded with Buffalo players. Nobody in their right mind would go to Las Vegas and bet that these Buffalo Bills will go to four straight Super Bowls.

Denver Broncos (2-6) John Elway doesn’t play for these guys. Neither does running back Terrell Davis. And Shanahan doesn’t coach here. At least with Shanahan the team had a system in which it could still be successful. Now, the Broncos are so bad they lost to the previously downtrodden Raiders, 59-14. Are you kidding me, 59 points? The NFL record is 62 points. No teams ever score that much. Maybe former Florida Gators quarterback Tim Tebow can play defense. It can’t hurt, right?

San Diego Chargers (3-5)
This is all you need to know about the Chargers’ demise: they are coached by Norv Turner and he is a proven loser. He coached Washington and he coached the Oakland. Both of those teams sucked. San Diego probably would have at least gone to a Super Bowl with former coach Marty Schottenheimer. He was fired after going 14-2 and losing in the AFC divisional playoff game. The geniuses in the San Diego front office replaced him with Turner and the Chargers have underachieved since.

Cincinnati Bengals (2-5)
Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco is a recipe for disaster. Pair these guys up with Moss and you’ll be guaranteed an 0-16 season. The team would probably be so dysfunctional, the Bengals would cease to exist and fans wouldn’t even be given a refund for games they don’t get to attend. On paper, the team looked strong and like Minnesota, has lost close games. But this is the NFL. You win two close ones, you’re in playoff contention. You lose them and you end up on this list. Cleveland Browns (2-5) The Cleveland Browns will suck forever. When are they ever good? Who plays for them? Does Tim Couch still play quarterback? Ever watch “The Drew Carey Show” and just get baffled at the “Cleveland Rocks” song? Who likes the Indians? Browns? Cavaliers? Hell, LeBron James loved the Cavaliers so much he took his talents to South Beach. Cleveland is playing for another top three pick in the draft and judging by its sorriness, will “earn” that pick yet again.

Redskins Fire Jim Zorn, Return His Balls

January 5, 2010 by SRG  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

Months after suffering a public emasculation, Jim Zorn was fired on what is commonly known around the NFL as Black Monday. And through no one would have blamed him if her weren’t, Zorn remained a good soldier to the very end.
Poor guy…

Don’t Mess with God’s Holy Saints

December 11, 2009 by Jenna Q.  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

I personally think the Saints are blessed by whatever Supreme Being is out there. Or, Sean Payton and Drew Brees made some sort of innocuous deal with the devil. Either way, it seems the New Orleans Saints are destined to be Super Bowl Champions. It couldn’t be any more evident than what was showcased this weekend in their game versus Washington.

You remember that movie Angels in the Outfield? Well, that’s exactly what the game resembled. It was as if angels were literally guiding the ball from Drew Brees’ hand into Marques Colston’s outstretched arms. Once the Redskins’ defense back intercepted the pass, you could almost see another angel knocking him down allowing Robert Meachem to strip the ball and run in for a TD. And the especially naughty angel intentionally pushed Suisham’s field goal attempt away from the goal post with the utmost ease.

Or you can look at it from the complete opposite perspective, which is, that the Washington Redskins are just destined for ultimate suckage. It doesn’t help that they have the Al Davis of the east coast, Dan Snyder, unintentionally destroying the once proud franchise.

Poor Jim Zorn looks lost on the sidelines. I actually feel somewhat bad every time the camera pans over him. I mean, since he was relieved from his play calling duties, what exactly does this guy do now? He could probably take a nap on the bench if he really wanted to. I’m surprised he hasn’t, at the very least, pondered it considering Washington’s snooze-fest of an offense. And please don’t give me some PC bull saying, “He’s still the head coach. He’s there to inspire and motivate.” Uh…yeah…ok, the Washington Redskins are an “inspired” football team because of Head Coach Jim Zorn. You’ll have a harder time convincing me of that than Tiger does of convincing his wife that he loves her, and he’s not a “lion cheetah” (ZING! Too soon???).

For what it’s worth, much credit goes to the Redskins for giving the Saints their most competitive game yet, next to Miami. But, as noted, when you have the blessed Saints versus your hellacious franchise, you’re almost guaranteed God will get his way. He always does.

Washington’s Lame Duck Coach

October 21, 2009 by SRG  
Filed under Football, NFL Football, SRG's Blog

Poor Jim Zorn, lost in NFL purgatory.

Not really a head coach, not really not-a-head-coach.

He’ll still get the blame with every Redskins loss, but he may have to share the victory when if the Redskins win.

The ownership in Washington has brought in former offensive coordinator Sherman Lewis (formerly of the Packers, Vikings and Lions), at first as special advisor, but now as offensive player-caller.

Perhaps it’s fitting that this is all happening in Washington, D.C. They’re used to lame duck presidents, how much different is it for a lame duck coach. But what is Redskins owner Dan Snyder trying to say? I still believe my coach can lead this team, I just don’t want him in a hands-on role.

And what is Snyder trying to do? This situation is way worse than a quarterback controversy, it’s a coaching controversy. Is Snyder gonna pull one of his coaches during the middle of a bad game? Or maybe he plans to switch them out and use one for certain situations like a coaching wildcat formation.

Either way, it’s flat out embarrassing and Snyder should just go ahead and fire Zorn already. And if Zorn had any self-respect he would take this insult as disrespect and just quit already.

However, with the economy the way it is, I think Zorn’s decision to take his lumps may be the best play he’s called all season.

If Only Daniel Snyder Would Fire Himself!

October 21, 2009 by SRG  
Filed under Random Thoughts, SRG's Blog

A shocking revelation comes to the Sports Report Girl while taking one of her many cat naps.

Jim Zorn Can’t Be Fired!

October 19, 2009 by SRG  
Filed under Random Thoughts, SRG's Blog

I stayed up all night trying to figure this one out…
Of course it was before he got removed of his play calling duties, so you know… take it for what it’s worth.

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